Liz’s Story: “I thought it was an accident”

I was on the 6 train visiting New York and a short man ran onto my car right as the doors were closing. The train was very crowded and he pressed himself behind me which I thought was an accident. I felt something touching my butt and I thought maybe it was someone’s bag. When I moved the man moved with me and the touching did not stop. I then thought the man was pressing his hand against my butt and started to panic because I have never experienced any harassment and did not know what to do. I tried to move around again but there was no room and he kept saying “Sorry, sorry.” At the next stop he quickly ran off the train and I turned to my mom and said “was that man touching my butt?”  She responded saying that she could see his hands but he was pressing up against me strangely and moving when I moved. When we got off and started to walk my mom told me that it looked like my tampon had leaked and it was on my dress so I went to the bathroom to change my tampon and looked at the mark closer only to realize that there was semen on my dress and I man was not touching me with his hand but his penis. I did not know what to do and I am still shocked, confused and horrified.

Lindsay’s Story: Kicked out of the club

This amazing woman I met on the subway spoke of an unbelievable situation she endured. She was at a club and a man was going around sticking his hand up women’s skirts – grabbing their butts and cooters. When he stuck his hand up this gutsy woman’s skirt, she punched him square in the face! The nasty pervert flew backwards and landed on the floor, howling in pain. Did the club bouncers bother to find out why this woman exerted herself? No. They kicked her out of the club for violent behavior. When she demanded to be let back in because her actions were for self-defense, they refused. So she called the cops. Good idea, right? Well… when she told the cops what happened, their main concern: Have you been drinking? In the end, the cops did not bother to retrieve the man who had been sexually violating women, but sent our heroine home. I asked her how she managed to find the courage to act like she did. She told me she works with emotionally disturbed teens in Manhattan. I hope this story inspires women to defend themselves, because even if the police don’t believe you, we will

Margot’s Story: Harassed 2 times within 3 blocks

I was walking down 5th ave in Union Square with my girlfriend at 1pm on a Sunday, and we were harassed TWO times within three blocks. These were separate incidents, as I’m pretty certain the two men didn’t see each other. We were holding hands while walking and were completely absorbed in a conversation, so we weren’t looking around. Also, while this happens pretty often at night, I didn’t expect it in broad daylight on the weekend in one of the most crowded places in Manhattan. I suddenly noticed a man a few feet ahead of us who was staring very intensely and was following us with his eyes. I turned away for a second and then when I looked back he suddenly jumped towards us just as we were passing him. He didn’t say anything, but he came close enough to hitting me that my girlfriend had to pull me away. We were both so shocked that we didn’t have a chance to respond. Plus, my girlfriend’s immediate reaction was just to get us away as quickly as possible. A block later, when we were still in shock over the fact that someone had just leapt at me, another man screamed, “two hos together…that’s bullshit!” from just a few feet away. Again, I was too surprised (and scared) to respond. I am so angry that these men thought they could get away with harassing us like that, and even angrier that I didn’t think fast enough to respond and make them realize how inappropriate they were.

Queenie’s Story: “The most awful commute in the world”

I was having the most awful commute in the world. It was 2am and I was waiting for the 4 train on the 59th Street and Lexington Avenue station and had just missed my train by a second. As I was waiting, I was already uncomfortable because there was no one on the platform and the few people that were waiting were all men.

I suddenly hear this guy saying “I like white women.” I ignore it as usual because there are always crazy people saying all kinds of things in the subway. I wasn’t sure if it was directed towards me. Then I hear it again and noticed that a guy is looking straight at me and saying this and is coming closer. He finally says, “I don’t like your kind..” (FYI, I’m brown). Being a temperamental New Yorker, I wanted to deck him in the face for being racist. However, I held back and before I could take out my cell phone to record this (a tip I learned from Hollaback!). He stopped and then started back again. Fearing that it might escalate (although I stayed calm and just didn’t pay him any attention hoping he would go away) I decided to just cab it home. My safety is worth more than a $25 cab ride.

What was really scary has been the hate crimes against brown people after 9/11. I was panicking what if this guy pushes me onto the tracks because I’m brown (which happened a few months ago and the victim died). This sort of behavior is unacceptable.  I wish I took a picture, but I will be more prepared if this happens to me again. Just in case, he was an older man wearing a denim cap and a plaid jacket. His skin was light brown and he had light brown eyes. Probably in his 50s.

Amy’s Story: “Nothing that happened after was excusable”

It’s 8 or 9 pm. I’m walking down one of the promenades in Union Square. One other guys is on a park bench. A middle aged man with a bicycle is walking towards me. As we approach each other, I hear him say, “are you tired?” I ignore him as I move to the right to pass him. He moves his bike to block my way, forcing me to move farther to the right, close to the rails of the park. He says: “hey can I talk to you for a minute?” I reply, firmly, “no.” As I squeeze past, he puts two fingers on my arm as if that will convince me to linger.

I have headphones in, but not on loudly. When I get to the other side of Union Square, he is suddenly behind my left, on his bike. He says, not angrily, with some mock-amazement: “you are such a bitch!”

Me, loudly: “Fuck off. What did you touch me for?”

“Hey I didn’t touch your pussy!”

“Get the fuck away from me!” I shout.

There are plenty of people around this intersection, some people crossing the street towards us make eye contact with me. Despite feeling stalked and surprise attacked, I feel much better, more visible, here than in the park.

“Hey, I just asked the time!” He says to my back as I’m fast walking away. I’m suddenly confused. Was the first thing he said: “do you have the time?” not “are you tired?” Did I mishear him? Would I have responded differently if he were asking for the time? I would have but nothing that happened after was excusable. You can’t try to block a woman from passing and touch her arm for not giving you the time.

I continue my errands, adrenalin rushing and trying to be pleasant with the lady at the check out in the drug store, then am remote/tired/busy in the subway ride, then very alert on the walk home from the subway. I feel schizophrenic by the time I get in the door.

Amy’s Story: “Yet, something in my gut felt weird”

I was sitting on the 2 train going from Brooklyn to the UWS this morning and quietly writing in my journal. I noticed an older man get up from the end of the car, look at the subway map, then take a seat adjacent from me. It’s always a red flag for me when men move closer to me on the train, so I kind of read him, but didn’t see him as a threat, probably because of his age. Yet, something in my gut felt weird.
I continued to write, and didn’t see that he moved directly across from me. For some reason, I looked up and noticed a weird tattoo on his leg, not really dawning on me that he had moved again, and then it occurred to me that he was wearing shorts and kind of weird stocking like things. That’s when I noticed that his erect penis was completely out. I had to do a double take, didn’t know what to do, then quickly moved to the other side of the train. We were just at my stop, so adrenalin pumping, I just left.
That’s when the guilt set in. As I got off the train, I realized that he was going to do this to someone else, and if I had said something, I could have perhaps stopped him. I live my life according to feminist values, and yet, when I’m confronted with this kind of sexual–I want to call it violation–I am totally speechless. Now I feel kind of sick and I can’t get the image or the feeling of being a pawn for his perversion out of my head.
Part of me feels stupid, b/c he didn’t touch me or say anything, so why do I feel like I was assaulted?
I’m grateful for a place like this just to write about this, b/c I don’t know what to do with these feelings right now. It makes me so pissed off that women and gay people have to deal with this so much more than straight men do, and I’m pissed at myself for not having a voice.
I took the train home today feeling hyper vigilant and worried, not to mention nauseated. I just hope that if this ever happens again, I will be well armed to say something, and I hope the feelings of guilt go away. Thanks to all the people out there who have shared their voices and stories- I hope to take strength from you.

Rachelle’s Story: Biking should be a harassment free activity!

I was biking with my friends and fell a little behind when we were going up a hill. A car pulled up next to me and the driver yelled “you have a great ass” a few times. I ignored him and he started honking at me…maybe like five or six times. I turned towards him, gave him the finger, and said “hey man, I’m just biking here, leave me alone”. He pulled up closer and started catcalling me some more, like he didn’t even hear me. I biked through the red light to get away from him.
When I told my (male) biking friends, they thought it didn’t matter. I was freaked out, I wanted to GET AWAY from that intersection, but they just stood there. One of them implied that because I “stood up” while I biked, that guy probably thought he was entitled to yell at me, follow, and continually disrespect me.
Sometimes standing up against people makes me realize how terrible it actually is – that they don’t even see me as a person enough to listen to my anger.

Kirsten’s Story: Creepers in Washington Square Park

As a friend and I sat in Washington Square Park enjoying the sun on Saturday afternoon, two men approached us and told us we were beautiful and began asking questions about our lives. One man seemed to be “helping” the other by speaking for him (e.g. “my friend here is from Texas, where are you from?” or “what would you guess my friend’s passion in life is?”). They began asking questions rapid-fire, and I begrudgingly answered, even though I felt they had no right to demand to know about my life. When I mentioned I had a boyfriend in Texas, the man that was doing most of the talking said, “You didn’t say anything about a boyfriend, is he still alive?” then asked if I was going to move back to Texas after I graduate so I can get married (as if a woman’s only aspirations are marriage!). Eventually they realized that I was angry and said “we should go,” but asked for a hug. I said no and that I prefer not to be touched, and he told me I should “get that fixed.”

Then we watched them retreat back to a group of about 15 men. We watched them for a while and realized that they were all going out in pairs and talking to random women in the park. It appeared to be some sort of instructional class on picking up women, maybe? It was very odd. And here’s the worst part–they were filming some of the interactions.

This harassment may not be as obvious as cat-calling, groping, etc, but I still felt violated. These men should not be pressuring random, unassuming women to answer intrusive questions about their lives, let alone filming the entire interaction. If you ever see this group of men in WSP, I hope you are more proactive than I am in telling them that using women like that is wrong.

T.A.’s Story: “You have a nice body for a little girl”

As a realtor, I was out with my clients on the 4/5 train. And this guy was standing behind me and says, “You have a nice body for a little girl.” I should have ignored him and walked away. But I said, “I’m not a little girl, I’m a grown woman”. But then he started to banter with me, “No, but you’re a little girl.” So, I put on my jacket. Then he says, “I want to see how you look in that too.” And I ignored him. So he leans down and says, “Yo, I wasn’t expecting you to have such a nice butt, and you’re rocking the Amber Rose too”. I was like, “Look, I’m with my clients.” And he points to his male co-worker who’s sitting down in front of me and says, “I’m with my co-worker too.” They’re both wearing the same blue t-shirt. And so fed up, I walk away. To which he responds, “Oh, you must like white guys.” So I walk over and stand on join my clients, standing on the other side of them next to the door. So a couple minutes later before I get off he goes, “You should say thank you, I gave you a compliment…. So I said Thank you to get him to shut up and leave me alone. And he says, “It takes a lot of courage for someone to say something nice to someone.” as he’s walking away.

And I’m thinking, I shouldn’t have said thank you. “Thank you?!?” You mean, you talk to me off kilter, and you expect a thank you! You made me feel like a piece of meat, and I’m supposed to say, “Thank You.” You draw attention to me, embarrassing the shit out of me. (Mind you, I’m wearing a black business suit and flats). And you expect me to say “thank you.” I was fuming afterwords, thinking I should have said something else. It’s like now I’m fuming, and replaying over and over in my head what I should have said. But it’s like that guy had a lot of nerve! It was the first day I’d taken my jacket off in months, and to get that kind of attention while I’m with my clients was just really uncomfortable.

I keep going over what I wish I could have said… and it just makes me more and more angry to think we live in a world where people think it’s okay to just say anything to anybody just cause you think it. Not everything is meant to be said. I wish I had taken his picture. What a jerk!

Mimi’s Story: A change in seasons does not excuse harassment!

The parade grounds on Caton Ave. harbor many disgusting men who hang out on the benches in groups during all times of the day. I used to walk my dog in this direction a lot because it tends to be OK during the winter. However the second the temperature warms up these gross men tend to congregate here and get drunk.

I’ve had many uncomfortable situations occur in this area, but my most recent went as follows:

I was walking my dog back when a gross man got much too close to me and he said he liked my legs. I was wearing a trenchcoat and flats and because of the warmer weather, a skirt.

His proximity upset me, so I said “Fuck off you piece of shit”.

He wasn’t intimidated by my mean face or words, so this just resulted with him yelling at me “I need your pussy” up until I was a block away.